Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think your dad took our porno
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
