I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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