Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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