I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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