...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
