My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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