I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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