i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
