the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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