I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
