If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
