my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
