I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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