he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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