she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
