We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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