Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
