Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
