I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
