I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize