this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
