sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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