I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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