I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
