I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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