I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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