What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
