Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize