JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
