this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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