I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
