Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
