i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
