my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
