god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize