why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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