i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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