I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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