in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
we should paint friendship bongs
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