I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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