HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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