Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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