so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
