she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
