I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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