I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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