Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
