is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
