Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I would ride that face into the sunset
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
