When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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