Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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