I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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