I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
