Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
