My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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