The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
