So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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