Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize