Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
