You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
