For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
