I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
