I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
