Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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