Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize