That's intense
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize